我很喜歡吃中國菜。I Eat Chinese Food and Pigs Can Fly! Who Knew?

Well, I made it through my first major wave of culture shock-induced depression. 成功了! I just re-read my last post, not even a month old, and it occurred to me that I went off about how I will never find a man in Taiwan. Whoop whoop! So I guess pigs can fly and I like eating Chinese food. I recently met someone really special named 豪樹 Hao Shu (pronounced: how shoe) and we have been enjoying life in Kaohsiung together. So wonderful! The past month I have spent a lot of time in class, studying, and on a another note: too much time on face book. I am putting a daily 40 minute limit on that thing. Only at night and after all my work is done. New Years resolution y'all. Anyhow, besides my studying and face book I have been learning to enjoy and interact with my environment here...aka leaving my room sometimes.


So what have I been up to? EATING amazing and exotic food! This is just an over view of some of the food I have eaten recently. Basically only the stuff I have pictures of. Because it is all about the visual right? There will be more on the food later because I fucking love the food here. And this post coincides quite nicely with the fact that I am dating a Taiwanese man because a lot of euphemisms in Chinese deal with food. For example, 我很喜歡吃中國菜。"I like to eat Chinese food." Can mean I like Chinese food but it also means "I have an Chinese (Asian) persuasion." Same with, 我很喜歡吃西餐 literally "I like to eat western food” means you prefer to date the westerners. Or "炒飯 frying rice or fried rice" means to have sex. And yet another, "吃你的豆腐 eating some one's tofu" means touching them in a less-than-platonic manner. So anyway, I love eating Chinese food and I will give you a little introduction....of the actual food. Really, just the food. I am no Anthony Bourdain but here goes nothing...

臭豆腐 Chou Dou Fu "Stinky Tofu." Two words: FUCKING AMAZING. My favorite food in Taiwan so far. So yeah, it really does smell. But not like feces or anything like that. More like, uh? Rotting? Maybe. A fellow western gal I met in Taipei said it best, "it smells like the bottom of a barn. Like straw at the bottom of the pile that has retained a lot of moisture and is rotting." Yeah so, something like that. Yum? YUM! Trust me. Think stinky cheese---smells bad tastes good. So why is this tofu stinky? It is the way it is fermented. I am not an expert on the process and in fact I know nothing about it. I don't ask questions: I just eat (a very good strategy I have found.) But if you are interested good 'ol wiki can let you know whats up. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stinky_tofu Maybe you can make your own at home! There are two main types of Chou Dou Fu here in Taiwan, stewed and deep fried. I prefer the deep fried version. It usually comes with some sort of sweet and salty sauce drizzled on top, and pickled cabbage and other veggies on the side, sometimes garlic is included (my favorite!!!!). My breath smells like a dog's ass afterwards....but soooooooooo worth it. The picture here is of 麻辣臭豆腐 Ma La Chou Dou Fu or spicy flavored stinky tofu. Really pretty spicy. And I ordered medium spice. 豪樹 Hao Shu drank some of the soup in the bowl and was sweating for like 10 minutes afterwards. CRAZY! I didn't dare try it. Remember kids: what is hot going in, is even hotter coming out.

豬血糕 Zhu Xie Gao "Pig's blood cake." When I say cake here I don't mean a sweet one, however, it really is made of pig's blood. Pig's blood and rice. There are variations on this type of cake that depends on what kind of animal the 老闆 boss is killing and/or selling. I have also eaten 鴨血糕 Ya Xie Gao, duck's blood cake. However pig's blood seems more popular. These little cakes are everywhere! I ate them for a week before I found out they had blood in them. Really you would never know it has blood in it unless someone told you. My Taiwanese friend, 栗子 Li Zi was like, have you ever tried pig's blood cake before? And I am like, why no I haven't, sounds awesome, let's eat some. When the infamous pig's blood cake arrives at the table I look at it and go, these things!?!? Shiiiiit, I have been buying these puppies from the 7/11 since I got here. Hot damn! Blood huh? Who knew? For real you can buy these all hours of the day at 7/11 if you happen to live in Taiwan. I love these cakes. Their texture is amazing! How does one explain that? Like SPAM...yeah...like SPAM. Not a whole lot of flavor on its own. That is why it is usually covered in some sort of sauce or marinated and fried. They are blackish in color and come in a block about 8 by 3 inches and about 2 inches thick. Lots of time they are cut up, like the one pictured, and boiled in some kind of stew, this process is called 鹵味 lu wei. The one pictured also had a boiled egg. And I have a sneaking suspicion these puppies are high in iron so I eat them a lot when I am on the rag. And some of you are like, "Whoa too much information, TMI." But I am now in a country where talking about your period with men, unlike so many other things, is NOT taboo and totally acceptable. Whoo-hoo! So yeah, my new favorite PMS food.

蚵仔煎 E Ah Zhen “Taiwanese Oyster Omelette" Nothing makes me miss working my breakfast shift waiting tables at Marco's cafe more. These omelettes hold their own---but for the record do not compare to the breakfast goodness of Portland, Or...especially my dear Marco's. But the Taiwanese Oyster Omelette, to its credit, is not a breakfast food. You will get laughed at if you ask your Taiwanese friend to take you to eat one before 7 pm (I have tried.) This is a night market food and you use the Taiwanese (as opposed to Mandarin Chinese) name to order it, sounds like Uh-Ah-Juhen. It is a traditional Taiwanese dish and it is---slimy. But pretty delicious. This was my former favorite Taiwanese food, that is until I tried stinky tofu. It has bean sprouts, oyster (word on the street is you can also have shrimp), lettuce, this crazy white cheese-like substance, and covered in this pseudo-ketchup goodness. I hate ketchup in the States, and while this sauce is tomato-based , it has some real flavor and a bit of spice. As for the white substance, you never seem to get a straight answer from a Taiwanese as to what it is. In fact, they look kind of uncomfortable that you are asking. Hence my new policy: no asking, just eating. The closest I have gotten to an answer is it starts as a powder and ends as this cheesy stuff. However, if anyone would like to fill me in on the white stuff and what it is made of feel free. Or, if it is terrible...don't tell me. I still want to enjoy this dish. I think of it like American cheese. You know those squares of "Kraft singles" craziness? If a European comes to the U.S. and is like what the fuck is this shit? I can't actually tell them it is cheese can I? So I am like...uh, "starts as oil and comes out like this." Bon appetit!

蛇肉跟蛇血 She Rou gen She Xie "Snake meat and snake blood."

Awww yeah! This is the food that makes me feel like such a bad-ass. All those times those gardener snakes that gave me a fright: pay back is a bitch. No, I am kidding. I don't get any sick feeling of revenge eating snake meat...no more than I get eating chicken. The blood of snake is served mixed with some kind of alcohol, most likely Chinese rubbing alcohol, the name I use for Chinese "white liquor" 白酒. I think it also had Cardamom pods in it but I am unsure of what they were. They could have been the snake's testicles for all I know. It reminded me of a very strong, non-fruity, thick, version of Sangria. What does THAT even mean? Had a hint of cinnamon and spice. Anyway, afterward it really did make me feel euphoric. Think: a cleaner, longer lasting, less intense version of cocaine. God! That is a terrible reference! My only frame of reference for that is the Eric Clapton song, ok? Anyway, it made feel energetic and high at the same time. On top of it all, I went home and had an intriguing conversation using pretty simple Chinese (as it is our only medium of communication) with my Vietnamese roommate about the Vietnam War. Don't worry U.S.A. I, Katie Johncock apologized on our behalf. We didn't sign a treaty or anything...but hey, don't discount the small acts of diplomacy y'all. She told me her Grandpa was part of the Vietcong. And now we are roommates, friends, and use Chinese to communicate! How crazy-cool is that?

As for the snake meat. Well...not bad. And now I am going to use a very famous cliche: tastes like chicken. Sorry to cop out on that one, but it really did taste like chicken. But truly it was mostly bone---60% bone. And this is where I had to resist my mom's well-intentioned socialization. There are some parts of animals that we American's just won't eat. For real. What's the point? we say. But Chinese folks, well, they fear not the bones. In Taipei I once watched a very petite, lady-like Taiwanese woman eating 肯德基 KFC and she truly sucked a chicken wing dry. I am not kidding. I was so fucking impressed. They really eat parts of animals that I always considered part of bone---or something like that. Non-edible yo! So props to Chinese culture: waste not want not! So when I put my first bite of snake in my mouth I really heard the voice your mom uses when you are a toddler, "don't put that in your mouth! We don't eat that!" I say to 豪樹 Hao Shu, "Uh, 什麼吃法?" How the fuck do you eat this? The answer, "just bite it." I watch as he starts spitting bones on the lid of the bowl the snake is served in. 入境隨俗 When in Rome...You even bite the snakes spinal cord, eating whatever meat (nerves?!) are in that, and spit out each vertebrate. As expected, Hao Shu is a pro at it and I look a bit like a 2 year old struggling to eat Cheerios with her hands. So yeah...I guess my final verdict would be eating snake meat might be more trouble than it is worth. But maybe not, due to the bad-ass factor. Yeah that's right! I ate snake meat and then spit out the bones. Word up! Hence the picture of me looking like I am concentrating, I am trying not choke on or swallow bone. I had a bout of diarrhea the next morning, but thanks to more of mama's wonderful socialization I had useful meds for that! A half-hour and one latte later any discomfort was gone.

雞爪 Ji Zhua "Chicken Feet."

Yes, actual chicken feet. I am told there are two type of chicken feet one with bone and one without. These particular chicken feet didn't have bones. I was so perplexed on how to eat these things. If they had bones I would have been ultra-confused. But I imagine it's a bit like eating snake meat. They are covered in a sweet and spicy sauce. This particular Chinese food is one that most westerners (as well as some Taiwanese) feel are disgusting because they are considered dirty. Shit, they probably are dirty! They are fucking chicken feet! But hey...you are talking to a girl who drunkenly ate a french fries that someone dropped in the stairwell. Remember that Hannah? So yeah, I have no fear of such things. But it was when I kissed the chicken foot that I started to feel a bit funny. The finger (claw?) moved a bit and that was like, oh shit! Poor chicken. Then I started to think about how many claws are in the box...damn that's a lot of chickens. If was almost like PITA activist were standing right next to me. Anyway, at this point the chicken claws were cold as we had changed locations so Hao Shu and I could (romantically?) drink Taiwan beer and eat chicken feet next to the ocean. He ate one first and it made a crunching noise...mmm, delicious (this English word is quite possibly best said with a Chinese accent). Ok dude, the crunching-noise really freaked me out. But I went for it! I ate one whole one. I can't lie and say I liked it. I am not that bad-ass. However, it wasn't awful. I spit out the nails because despite what Hao Shu says, they are not soft enough to swallow....I am not Chinese. I ate another, just a piece of one (the leg and not so much the claw) and it went better as I didn't have to deal with the nails. I am going to try chicken feet one more time---when they are hot. Verdict: I am all for waste not want not...but I think I would only happily enjoy this dish during a famine.

That's all I got for you now. I am aware that I only have the freaky shit to tell you about. In general I am eating campus-made 便當盒 lunches of rice and some kind of meet. Or I go off campus and eat dumplings or beef noodles. All good (even the campus stuff is not so bad) but not so exotic! But in all honesty, if it were more convenient, I would eat stinky tofu every day!

It's like my heart has been Typhooned 我覺得像我心裏有颱風。

So, a week ago today I had minor (majorish) freak-out. Planned on being home right now---playing in snow spending Chirstmas with the family and head back to Portland to start the winter term. Thank god I didn't write an email to the advisor. I will save you the details of the salsa with stray dogs and taking advice from a J-Lo song. Although some of you all know about the temporary insanity.

So what made me stay? Uh, nothing really in particular--it's easier to stay. Part of it was pride, I suppose. Plus, the big thing in my head was "why not?" I could finish my Chinese degree requirements here, get somewhat proficient in Chinese, all at a significantly lower standard of living. Plus, a little bird told me, that living in other cultures different from your own exponential increase your world view. Let us hope.

So now my negative, condescending voice comes out and says: "Really? You just thought you would stay on the tropical island because 'why not?' It's not like it is the opportunity of a lifetime or anything. Some people will never study abroad and you act like it's pulling teeth. How ungrateful!" That's my mean, judgmental, unforgiving voice.

I suppose judgemental voice gets some validation because study abraod is often viewed as a vacation with some studying. And some students have this experience. They come for a few months, travel a lot, aren't learning the language, and go to classes in their mother tounge. And I am not being a hater. If that's your thang...live it up. Enjoy! I did my share of partying and "living it up" in Portland before I left. I came to Taiwan to learn Chinese. Plus, even if I wanted to, the funds to live it up have long since dried up (no more amazing tips from waiting tables.) Although I do have my moments of fun....it's not all 辛苦 toil of course.

I am trying to learn this crazy fucking language. And it's not easy, to put it lightly. You really do have to invest time to do so, whether its talking with Taiwanese folks, studying, reading, doing homework, it all takes time. And if you are doing something right...you should be doing a bit of all of these activities. It's totally possible. I know I can do it. But then I look around me, have some of these bad experiences, I have a reaction like, "Do I want to invest my time? I don't think I want to talk to these people."

What an awful thought! But I mean, really why does one learn a language? Lots of reasons. Why does Katie learn a language? To communicate. That's all. Two years ago I was obsessed with modern Chinese history and politics and I was like "why not" learn Chinese? It could be fun. Talk to older folks about the revolution. No probs. *Insert hysterical laughing here* When has being impulsive ever done me wrong?

The thing I really forgot about communication is that it is more than: idea-->translate-->idea received. When I am in Taiwan there is cultural layers that one most move through, plus---perhaps more importantly---the perception of western folks (read: western women....dumb,overly sexual,lazy,no morals) also plays into the ability to communicate here. So now I will clarify, that this doesn't ruin most interactions...but just know that these are the stereotypes of western women, in particular women from the US. You know why? Because the very first "interactions" young Taiwanese get with women from the US come straight from Hollywood, CA. They see me and expect me to go all "Pretty Woman" on their ass (can you tell it's been a while since I have seen a movie.)

Another quick thing I want to insert here which I find particularly troublesome: since most westerners here can't speak Chinese, Taiwanese people will talk about you in Chinese right in front of you. For example today, a male student walking with friends, looking at me and looking straight at me (some would call it staring), gets right passed me, practically next to me, and says, "好惡性”or "Really disgusting (or evil.)" Thanks fuck face. You've had better days yourself, or do you always look like a 13 year old? Aaaah! See! There is my bitter bitch side coming out...*affirmation time* love and compassion and love and compassion. I take the road of love and compassion.

If it's not this situation, it's getting photos taken of me. Or getting stared at and nervously giggled at. It feels the worst when they don't ask to snap one, and try to "slyly" take the picture from afar. "Don't mind me I am just pointing my phone at you and looking straight ahead---this is how I always make phone calls, ya know?"

What is killing me though, is MY OWN expectations of this experience. Unfortunately, all the things that made me charming, made me, me in the states are considered some what obnoxious, inappropriate, or slutty for women here. Since I am 老外 a foreigner they accept it. But how fun is it to be shimmying, laughing loudly, joking, drinking beer when there is no context for it? Everyone is just like, "你看，很活潑的外國人" It's strange to most everyone here. Furthermore, its an affirmation why most Taiwanese men do not dare date westerners. I am going to be honest here. I was looking for a man. 入境隨俗。What better way to get to know Taiwan and Chinese than to have a local boyfriend? Nothing is more motivating to a 20-something than sexual energy. A nice Taiwanese boy running chopsticks down my thigh, "你吃飽了沒？" "Have you eaten? (A common greeting.)" And anyone who knows this culture is cracking up and falling out of their chair. The day this situation happens....well lets just say it will get its own blog post for sure...and pigs will be flying through cyber-space.

So, no man, no sexual energy. Dancing...not so much. In fact dating and sexuality is WAAAAAAAYYYY different here (unless you are a western dude...more on that later.) So scratch that idea. No use putting energy into the dating ritual that I find to be less than desirable. I will stick to my own way with this aspect of life.

Ok, so its not what I thought it was going to be. Some people research the culture before going to a country...or you are like me, you impulsively, plug your nose and jump in.

I got some great advice from the head of the Chinese department at Portland State. He is a white dude who lived in Taiwan (in the boonies) for quite a while. And this was before much of the modernization (westernization too) that has happened in Taiwan in the recent past. He is also one of the wisest, most humble people I know. He said I should think of living in a new place as "sitting in a moving bus on a mountain road: if you look out the window you won't get carsick so easily; but if you look down at your lunch, and the warm orange soda and the small-print magazine, you will get dizzy because you can't see what the bus is doing."

So the invitation is to look outside myself. Don't focus on the baggage I brought with me. Loose the ego, yo! What has been helping me most lately(as in the last two days) is focusing on forgiveness. Forgiving myself and others. It is not an easy thing to remember, but when I do it allows me to move past the shit and actually experience life free of shame and blame. When done correctly, it makes life worth living. It makes one's soul sing. 對不對？ It makes the awkward situations here bearable. So, that's my goal. Moving with love and compassion is a goal I developed while living in Portland (whoop whoop bell hooks) but uprooting myself and transplanting into an obscenely different place caused an emotional typhoon. I am just now cleaning up the debris. I have taken this sick (actually physically sick...I think the stress of my mild freak-out let a sneaky virus in) weekend to re-evaluated things. I am not only healing my body, I am healing whats inside. I will rest. I will forgive my insanity and anger. I will reaffirm my purpose.

臺灣加油！And now to leave you with a cool Chinese rap. The guy is from Taiwan named 大支 (Da Zhi) It's a take-off of Nas' "I can." In fact I will leave you with both videos because they are inspiring and what not. Everyone loves to be inspired!

Da Zhi: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUoc6X3e3Wo

Nas: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mL4zz-Rey_Y

我愛racial slurs. Is "foreign devil" the best you got bitch?

I was pretty excited when I found out the Chinese had a racial slur for white people (westerners.) This slur is 洋鬼子 Yang Gui Zi which translates to something like, "Foreign Devil." 洋 (yang) means ocean (where the white man came from) 鬼子(gui zi) is ghost or devil. So originally, I was really stoked because the race I belong to had an oppressive term I could reclaim. It made me feel hard, bad-ass, gangsta...so forth and so on. This line of thinking itself probably is a result from U.S. media's pimping of African American culture and glamorizing oppression. That aside, when in the company of my best friend Ero, I threw around the term 洋鬼子。I made her a her a CD and called it "Yang Gui Zi hip hop mix." A funny joke. I think I have even thrown around this term in my blog posts....no problem.

Part of the reason I liked the term is that I came over here to Taiwan with my U.S. privileges on my mind. This means that I know my countries historic love story with militarism and imperialism. I know that we have intentionally done some fucked up shit to other countries to ensure a giant share of the earths resources and our economic supremacy. I know that as a consequence of these fucked up things, as a U.S. citizen, I have a lots of privileges (economic, security, mobility, etc...). These privileges are unearned. Unless of course you consider blowing some one's brains out or coercion as fair ways to earn something. Yeah, I am a foreign devil...what of it?

But after being here in 高雄市 Kaohsiung, Taiwan for almost two months I have started to feel like a giant hideous bug that folks can't help but stare at. I have even developed an irrational fear of cellphones held above shoulder height. Perhaps many Taiwanese are farsighted and are merely texting their friends at extreme length from their face. Or maybe they are trying to take my picture? You may say, "oh, Katie that is crazy." It's not crazy. It happens all the time. If you are young and in the south of Taiwan, people (with manners) will ask for a picture with you. In fact, just talking to a sexy French man, Arnaud about this phenomena. Happens to him all the time. What do they do with the pictures?

At first it was a bit charming. I am an attention whore, (years of being a dancer) so I am like fuck yeah, I am exotic for the first time in my life. "Yeah bitches, sexy Caucasian rocking it in Taiwan." Take a picture, it will last longer---wait....please don't. This feeling faded about three weeks into my stay here. After many embarrassing moments speaking Chinese (feeling like a vulnerable five-year old child) and some straight-up animosity towards me because of my white face, I don't like the attention. Instead, I would really really really like to blend in. Add some culture shock to the mix and even the smallest tasks are a potential source of stress.

So keep this mind and fast forward to tonight, 11 PM or so. I am on the way to the campus' 7/11 to use the copy machine for one of my Chinese classes. I walk by the ATMs and I am reading from my Elementary Chinese Conversation book with the stupid looking Giraffe on it. The ATM area is empty and silent except for a couple of lovers (Taiwanese but I guess that goes without saying being I am in Taiwan.) They are withdrawing money and look over at me and I look up (probably smile but who knows?) And as I was about to fix my eyes on my book again I hear the girl say, "洋鬼子”(Yang Gui Zi). I would normally assume I heard wrong, but then the dude laughs and repeats "Yang Gui Zi." I am in a bit of shock, but I am positive of what I have heard. They didn't know my Elementary Conversation book has an index of insults (it doesn't by the way.) So, as I pass them by I say in a firm but definitely not angry voice , "我聽得懂 you assholes." (I understand what you said). I really couldn't look at them after that, I didn't turn around to see whats up. I am pretty sure they heard me but who knows? I turn the corner saying to myself, "shame on you....mother fuckers!" As the shock wears off I feel mad as I approach the 7/11 and I am holding back my angry response to use a word that starts with Ch- and ends in -inks. (Not the best of my moments but hey! I am just being honest here.)

This is an ugly side of this study abroad experience. This is not meant to be an "oh, poor me" story. I am actually recording this because I am soooooo fucking surprised that I actually got called a racial slur. Especially since this slur is horribly outdated. WOW! I am even more surprised at my emotional response. It was kind of like when you are in middle school and you are really, really insecure. You spend a lot of time in the mirror before school agonizing over your acne or your weight. And then you get to school and a really popular girl calls you fat and then the person next to her agrees. It was like that. Feels just like that in fact---only with racial connotations and a historical context of nation-state's cat-fights.

Now, I am just going to hang onto the possibility that I am somehow misunderstanding this situation. But I am positive of what I heard. I might be more careful with throwing this doozie of a word around in the future.

A Sad little post.....

This is my little rant because I am feeling sad. Here are some of the things I miss about the USA. This list will be expanded I am sure.

Things I appreciate about the US (particularly Portland, OR):

1. Not smelling raw sewage every time I leave the dorm or walk down certain streets.

2. Most animals on the streets have homes. I especially miss the fat cats on Portland's Eastside that really owned the neighborhoods. Sitting on the big beautiful porches or laying in the sun on the sidewalk these cats were well fed and loved by the whole community. Here the cats are all skinny and skittish. Some will be friendly to you but it is because they are very very hungry (like the one pictured...who looks a bit like emaciated version of Milo, my kitty. And this is the fattest cat I have seen in Kaohsiung yet because he lives on campus.) Plus, I know the cats in the states are not likely to be torn to pieces and eaten by a pack of stray dogs. Yes...that happens here.

3. Sidewalks!!!!!!! I am a graceful fucking dancer and I can't functionally walk down the "sidewalk"anymore. You know why? Because unless you are in certain districts in Kaohsiung the side walks are extensions of store fronts. So, they are all different levels. Sometimes you walk up pseudo stairs to continue on the sidewalk. God forbid you are disabled here. On a good day I only stub my toe. Plus there are often marble-like store fronts covered in water (slippery!) or perhaps they are washing the vegetables in the street. So you never know when you almost step in the 老闆的 (owner's) food prep. Or slip on the water thereafter.

4. Being able to read. I am pretty literate in the U.S. Here, when I try to read everything around me (like I do in the states) I get exhausted. And its not like you can sound anything out...or find cognates and be like oh that's just a message parlor...no probs. Yes, some signs have English. But I mean it is disappointing to not even be close to literate in a language you have been studying for a year and a half. You have to know at least 3,000 characters to be somewhat literate in Chinese. And even then, you might not know whats going on. Now compare that to our 26. Yeah.......remind me again why I didn't choose to learn Spanish. Now I know how dyslexic people feel.

5. My face is not a symbol of economic and military imperialism. Ok, yes whitey is the ruling class in the USA. I know this and in some hoods in the USA I am the enemy. But in the US, I can use my language to talk about this issue. Or do political/social work to alleviate this problem (which is in fact, one of my passions). Here, many of the folks who look at me in this way, or hear my U.S. accent speak 臺語 Taiwanese (not Mandarin Chinese, or if they speak Mandarin it is with a very heavy accent), so there is no way to approach this. Plus! Its not acceptable to talk about this issue. And maybe that is not why older folks (especially women) glare at me. Maybe it has nothing to do with American soldiers coming from Vietnam to Taiwan for US government-funded R and R (aka....reek havoc and rape women).

But I do in fact know that there is a stigma about the U.S. citizens in Taiwan because a cab driver talked to me about. This my friends, was one of the most interesting and amazing experiences I have had in Taiwan yet. I talked about US imperialism (thank god I am a geek and although I may not know the word for "spoon" in Chinese yet, I know the word for imperialism damn it!) and how I wanted to be a politician and help change US foreign policy. To which he said I was an independent woman. The cab driver was really awesome and I was surprised after as many birthday drinks as I had I could have a functional conversation in Chinese about politics. He told me he had classmates who would have a big nose. And they would ask them, "who is your daddy?" and they wouldn't know. And he said, "that is how you knew he had an American daddy." How fucked up is that shit? All I could say was..“先生，我很抱歉” "Sir, I feel so sorry!" He kept telling me not to apologize. It's not my fault. Then he told me I was beautiful. Because beauty is always the second thing that comes to mind after imperialist. :-)

Anyways, this self-indulgent, "oh, pity me" post went in a different direction. Am I having a rough time? Yes. I am. But will I be in Taiwan for two years working on becoming fluent in this language? Hell, yes! You will have to drag me off this island. I am dedicated to the cause--even when little orange cats make me cry in public.

Now I'm a believer! 你看電視了嗎？ 真的嗎？

So, I haven't owned a TV in 5 years. I will ramble on (sitting on my high horse of course) about how TV is a waste of time and it brainwashes people. I go on and on and on, blah blah....I would rather read a book...blah blah. But I just had a crazy experience with a show that I am so excited about, it makes me a believer in TV again. This is a big fucking deal for me. It just so happens to be a Taiwanese drama/comedy called 不良笑花 or in English, "Miss No Good." Its awesome because at times (especially the lovey dovey parts) they talk slow enough that I can understand. Also they have Chinese subtitles...which almost all programs in Taiwan have. Because yeah, sometimes even the Taiwanese have trouble understanding their own language. :-) Actually there are probably many reasons for this, but I have heard it is to avoid any confusion between words in a tonal language when showing intense emotion or singing.

So anyway, this episode that I will post: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzFxRhB17xQ is one of the last episodes and it rocked my world (it has English subtitles as well). There was a joke on this show that made me laugh so hard I cried. And maybe this is just because I find it so strange/charming that Taiwanese garbage trucks have ice cream-truck-like music blasting as they pick up trash. And if you keep in mind that the word for light in Chinese 燈 is pronounced "dung" (not actually a poop reference) you too can laugh until you cry. I would recommend this site as well because it has an English description of the show and more episodes: http://www.mysoju.com/miss-no-good/.

Enjoy! Thanks to 錦婷Jin Ting for introducing me to this wonderful gem of idiot box splendor! I seriously think I might start watching TV in Taiwan....what is happening to me?!?!?!?

黑人牙刷:Racism can sell stuff. Yup, in Taiwan too.

Time to brush my teeth. Whoa! That's surprising to see an person of African decent advertising a Taiwanese brand of dental hygiene products. I heard that racism against black folks was as much of a problem in Taiwan as it is the United States. Oh, wait. This IS racist. From the picture you might not see much wrong. The label says: 黑人牙刷 or in English, "Black Person Toothbrush." Really. No shiting you, that is the translation. Awkward....but beyond awkwardness of the English translation is of the uber-racist history of this brand.

Let it be known that 黑人 or "black person" does not have the same ring to in Chinese as it does in English. It is the what folks of African decent are called in Mandarin Chinese. This is the common and accepted name . However, the innocently named toothbrush brand, "Darlie" actually used to be "Darkie." For real. Change the 'K' to an 'L' and you attempt to erase some pretty fucked up and racist history. But you know, they couldn't totally let it go. They had to make sure their consumer base still remembered the reference. Hence, black person toothpaste and toothbrushes. Not, ahem, just for black folks! For all who like to participate in the lowest-of the-low marketing.

Is the black person reference that bad? No, it wouldn't be if Black folks were revered for their dental hygiene or even not a group targeted for oppression and discrimination in many developed(and developing) countries (i.e. US, Taiwan). But this is the fact. So, I encourage you to look at this short history of the brand from Wiki. It's pretty informative and has a picture of the old-school advertisements. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darlie

Just thought that I would point out that I use a toothbrush branded with racist marketing. In case you wanted to know.

連一個字我都不敢說！"My expereience with culture shock" or "But in my country..."

This week has been a bit rough. I am now trying to interact with Taiwanese folks and steering clear of the international community (no offense to them of course, but I am trying to understand Taiwanese culture and learn Chinese). What you are about to read is my first (and by far not the last) experiences of 文化衝擊 or culture shock.

When I am among the Taiwanese and I am the minority (唯一的外國人), I usually have a close Taiwanese friend who speaks English. I am always looking to them like uh? What do I do? I would describe myself as a really awkward shadow; a shadow that you practically trip over and blocks the light so you are unable to read the assembly directions on your new IKEA bookshelf. I tend to make mistakes doing the simplest things. Example. Walking with Li Zi at the Taiwan sugar refinery I see something that looks like a memorial. I point, "Whats that?" He diplomatically explains that they are temples for people's loved ones. He also tells me that they never point at them. In fact, it's taboo to notice, talk about, or even think about temples as you walk by unless they are your own family. Oh. Whoops. Example two. Taking off shoes before you enter rooms(or if you are me, you forget until your Taiwanese frantically says, no shoes allowed). Not all rooms are the same, some you take shoes off and others you don't and it is something you have to feel out. In Taiwan, I have no manners. How can you act out gestures you don't yet understand? And of course most Taiwanese understand this and are very graciously help you understand. Thanks Taiwan folks!

Example three. At the bar yesterday with a new Taiwanese friend, 威霖 Wei Lin and Ero. Ero and I are the only westerners in the bar. It seems to be perceived as a quaint gesture that we can and do understand/speak Chinese. One of the first things that bartenders tells me after I order a drink is that I have a small face. I don't know how to react. To my U.S. ears when someone tells me I have a small face I feel like I may look deformed or something. Is this a good or bad thing? I ask. Oh, good, you are beautiful. The bartenders encourage a young lady (looks about 19 or so) to sit by Ero and tells her that we speak Chinese. Ero is talking with this lady for about five minutes when the young lady looks like she is about to cry, covers her face and wants to move. Ero turns to me and says, "I just scared that girl. I am not sure what I did." She is like, I have lived here 7 months and it is still hard for me to have conversations.

So I am going interject here and say that Ero's Chinese is much better than mine and most westerners in Taiwan. In fact, I would say most westerners in Taiwan can not speak Chinese at all. Many are here to teach English or on some sort of vacation. But there are so many elements that go into having a comfortable conversation with a stranger you just meet. When we do this in our own culture (US culture) we look at how they dress, their body language, what sub-culture the belong to, their age, the time of day, etc...So you take the fact that we don't know this culture's indicators for appropriate conversation and our Chinese is hard for them to understand, these casual conversations can be frustrating for both parties. So, the girl moves away. Ero and I laugh. And I say in Chinese with a smile: "Oh, we are bad for business." Obviously (obvious to myself at least) joking, as the bar is completely full at this time. Well, apparently in this culture, this is completely and utterly insulting. Was it lost in translation or purely a cultural difference, I am not sure. But, Wei Lin's eyes get big and he is like, in English "Don't say that! I don't want to get my ass kicked! That is rude. They will think you are rude if you say that." Oh. Very whoops. Foot in mouth.

So, after experiences like this, the infamous culture shock, your brain is reeling. You loose grip. You know what your intentions are. Or do you? I looked over at Ero and I had to know....Ok, there is somewhere in the world (aka as the US) where that would have been appropriate and right. I am trying to make a joke. I mean...is that rude? Am I rude? Yes, in Taiwan I am being rude. Ero said something that was really insightful later. I was talking about how bad I felt and how I had not intended to offend anyone. She said, Katie you are feeling shame. It's the normal and right reaction to that. Thats how people learn cultural mores. True 'dat.

If you experience culture shock for one of the first times I bet $1,000NT the first thing in your mind will be, "But in my country, its like this..." You CAN'T HELP IT. The wind has been knocked out of you. You acted a certain way in order to get some response---and you got the opposite response you expected. It's like, "I swear to god that has worked for me before...right?" I guess I am not in Kansas anymore.

Here is extra personal element of my culture shock. I am a people pleaser. I try to make everyone like me. I love to be friendly and outgoing to everyone. I feel most comfortable when people are pleased with me and find me charming . Seriously. I live for that shit....its a bit sad really. And in my culture I move pretty damn gracefully (some of you might disagree with that, fair enough). I have no problems talking to strangers, I like to laugh with others, make friends easily, and I know how to maneuver the awkward situations I tend to get into when I am drunk. Having culture shock made me realize how this aspect of my personality really informs a very large part of my identity. In Taiwan when I am unable to move in ways that please the people around me I feel like shit. Like shit, doesn't really do it justice. I really feel like I am loosing my identity. Who am I? I thought I was friendly, charming, well liked, cute, etc...

I also learned I can't say 法克 (a transliteration of fuck, pronounced fa-ke) my newly learned, Chinese swear word at the bar because it could be potentially dangerous. The perception of US girls is that we are easy and swearing is what loose women do. It's like asking for trouble 麻煩 (and I think we all know what I mean by trouble, so I don't have to elaborate.)And there are some gangsters in Kaohsiung called, 臺客. Don't mess with them. Like they say here, 小心(xiaoxin)！Be careful! Oh, I will.

My new strategy? When I feel compelled to speak: don't do it! Just wait. Listening is good. It's something I have been working on spiritually. I think true listening---listening with one's heart and mind---can lead to increased compassion. And in my case as a student of this culture and language I know listening is a must.

As for people pleaser Katie, she is dying. If she doesn't die, I might honestly go crazy in this new lifestyle. I know very well, even in all my US-cultural grace, I can't please EVERYONE. And trying really gives me serious anxiety (all my Marco's co-workers reading this are nodding their heads in agreement now.) Here in Taiwan, I not only don't please people, I have a tendency to offend them. 慢慢習慣 I will slowly get used to this. It starts by being a bit easier on myself. Knowing that I am going to make mistakes and it's ok. This means that people-pleasing is not a priority anymore. My priority is to try to understand---to open my heart and listen.

我喜歡你的T恤: Crazy English Tee-Shirt of the Week #2

Howdy! Time for another round of crazy English tee shirts! In addition to exposing you all to some whack English, I want to say that there are a lot of awesome English T-shirts as well. I don't want you all to get the idea that I am mocking the Taiwanese's English skills. Because well, with Chinese skills like I (and many other Westerns that come here) have, we have no room to talk. And to put it into some perspective: Most young people on this island speak some English. Do most young people in the United States speak some Chinese? Or any other language for that matter? My point exactly. With that here ya go:

1. Sorry! We're Actors. <----Maybe some of y'all can explain this one to me. Is this from some TV show or something? I see this one a lot.

2. Please receive this overflowing love of me. <---This was on a shirt at the night market. I almost bought it because it was honestly a really cute shirt.

3. Fucking Will Change the World <----Ok this one is a bit fuzzy in my brain because I didn't have my notebook with me at the time. But it was something for a school club here I think. And it said "Fucking" in the middle in big letters and then around it said, "will change the world." So true man...so ture.

And in addition this was an awesome shirt that I wanted so bad. I saw a kid on campus wearing it. The letters were really really big and I could see it from like 50 feet away. Not humorous just right on:

1. DEEDS NOT WORDS <----I was like, fuck yeah brother!

Is that a tennis racket? A sign of things to come...

Today I am in 家樂福 (Carre Four, a westernized shopping mart similar to walmart...only much better in my opinion) today with my Taiwanese friend, 環 樺 (English name Kelly) and Jin Ting, another student studying Chinese from Portland State. I am walking through the housewares and I come upon this contraption. At first glance I see, well...a tennis racket. On second the look I say to myself, that is the strangest tennis racket I have ever seen. What kind of tennis do they play here? Then I realize that this is not a tennis racket at all. But this is a "fly swatter." For what kind of insect....I don't want to know.

You know, my mom has a real talent for killing flies with the plastic fly-killing tools. My nephew, T.J. once said as a child, "Grandma you are the best fly swatter in the world. Even better than God." Indeed, better than God. I can only imagine the damage she could do with this puppy. Flies are turning over in their graves thinking about it. (Do flies have graves?)

You can get some kind of perception of the massive size of this fly-swatter is by checking out the plastic red one to the right of it. That plastic red one, is actually larger than a normal one you would see in the states and much longer. Is this an omen? Are the lotus are coming?

I gotta get mama one of these before returning to the states...so flies beware.

我 喜歡 你 的 T 恤: Crazy English Tee-Shirt of the Week #1.

You have heard of folks wearing or even getting tattoos of Chinese characters that make no fucking sense right? Like, oh this character means strength, and it really means toilet for example. So I see this phenomena happening here with English. In fact it is very rare that a young Taiwanese person will wear a shirt with a graphic that is in Chinese. Usually it is in English. Sometimes the English on these shirts is nonsensical. So I have decided to keep a little journal of these T-shirts because they really are too strange to keep to myself.

Since this is week one I have a few saved up so I will give you two instead of just one:

1. "Imagine Cattle with You" (Found on my friends shirt that she bought here in Taiwan.)

2. "Holidays tomorrow are happy for life. Somora team do something right."

糟糕！猴 子 來 了！把 我 嚇 死 了！This ain't no Curious George!

So imagine you are walking a half mile up hill, in 90 degree heat, with some 70% humidity. Now imagine you are walking in a trance, sweat pouring down your back, and suddenly you come face to face with a monkey. How do you feel? Some of you folks who grew up in the states are thinking, "Aw, that would be wonderful! Such a cute surprise in your heated misery."

Ok, so now its time for me to burst your U.S. culture informed-bubble about monkeys. Monkeys are not cute. Monkeys ARE SCARY!!!! So I am walking on a sidewalk which is about 2 and half feet wide I look up and what do I see, but a monkey walking on all fours along the rail right next to the side walk. This monkey is about as big as a five year old child. But his eyes lack any amount of child-like innocence. No, this monkey was sizing me up. He (I say he because well, with testicles like that, there is no mistaking) was checking me out thinking, "Does she have food? Doesn't smell like it---but maybe in her bag. She is quite small, I am sure I can take her with help from my buddy who is coming up quickly behind me." You may ask yourself, "how did she know what the monkey was thinking?" Well some interesting phenomena presents itself when human meets monkey. It's this primate to primate connection that allows you both to communicate without what we humans call language. It is a sort of language in that it sends messages---but it is not spoken---it is passed through the burning hot air with our eyes. So in response to the monkey's inquiry, I back up into the road, hands up, and with all the bravery I can muster 'say,' "I have nothing for you. Just an iced double Americano with no sugar or cream. This has no nutrients and may or may not kill you." The monkey understands, prefers Bananas, and moves on.

You may not believe since you are probably sitting there watching "Dora the Explorer" and her cute blue monkey helper. I am thinking about how we represent monkeys as these docile little human companions. Its as if our culture likes to drive the point home, that we are the superior primate and that monkeys and all other primates are merely side kicks, babies, or need our help in general. Well I am here to tell you, that if you meet a monkey outside of the zoo you will NOT feel superior. You will NOT feel like they do in the movies like, "oh this cute monkey wants to come live with me, or oh, this monkey needs my help, or this monkey wants to be my friend and go on adventures." No. Its more like, "Oh, this monkey really doesn't give a shit about civilization or anything that my fellow primates lay claim to. No, this monkey wants to maul me and take my bananas (that I may or may not have)."

So, I am sorry if I ruined anyone's day. But this is my monkey experience. And did I get a picture myself? Fuck no! Once the monkeys passed by I thought about it...but they move fast. Plus, I am not going to piss off a monkey who was kind enough to let me go unharmed. However, when I reached class, my classmates showed me that outside the window sat several monkeys. Its a good thing I am a fucking gansta because the whole monkey cartel sat outside. Motha fuckas....I was able to snap one shot before my teacher started class. It isn't very good. So I provided you with another so you can see a bit clearer that they are not Curious George.

你 真 可 愛！You are so cute!

Here in Kaohsiung there aren't many foreign people. So, its not uncommon for people here to take pictures of foreigners (many of them ask first, but I have definitely heard of instants where they don't.) or stare. Being a dancer and performer all my life, I am quite the attention whore, so this kind of thing normally doesn't bother me. In fact it is quite a head trip to be a minority for the first time in my life. Although I would be lying if I didn't say that on the bad days, after a really bad Chinese class, or when I am frustrated at my low level of Chinese, the staring will get to me. Sometime the gawking (especially older men) is followed by "blah blah blah...外 國 人 (foreigner)...or 美 國 人 (United Statesian...I think I made this word up, but I like it better than American) blah blah blah." Since my Chinese is at the level of a 5 year old, I really only catch words, not whole sentences. These could be nice, could be mean, could be sexy, could be demeaning, could be scary. This is a feeling of powerlessness, that on the bad days, can make you want to cry.

But this, my friends, is rare. I don't at all want at all to paint a picture that the Taiwanese are all just curious and want to talk smack about foreigners. The young people, especially those on campus are not all that interested. Furthermore, the Taiwanese friends I have are helpful, kind, and fun. And these folks are getting there own separate blog post.

This blog post however is about the moments where my ego gets polished. There was a day here at 中 山 (NSYSU) that I was told I was 可 愛 (cute) by 3 different people. One of which was the women who works at the front desk of the dorm. The ladies who work this job are called 阿姨, which means aunt. How endearing right? She, some other Taiwanese gals and I were talking. She kept saying, "oh she is an American. She is so cute. Don't you think she is so cute? She has such a young spirit. (someone had to translate that part for me).She is always smiling." I have no strategy for this. I usually say 哪里 哪里！Which is something like, oh that's not true. And then I blush (that is involuntary) and pretend to hide my face. Then the 阿姨 says, "Do you want to marry a Taiwanese man?" To which I respond, "可以呀!" (maybe...I am not sure). Then she says, "I have two sons!" I made her laugh later on that day when I went up to the desk and said, "about those sons, how old are they?" She decided I was a bit young because they were 28 and 29. I leave out the part where I say I have dated men older than that.

And two other times, random store owners 老闆 have asked me if I am married or if I plan on marring a Taiwanese man. To which I try to say, "I don't even have a Taiwanese boyfriend yet, I have only been here x amount of weeks." "You are so beautiful how do you no have a husband?" I leave out the part about the 60% divorce rate in my country. And how I would rather eat shit than sign a state-sanctioned licence dealing with a private affair such as who you want to fuck monogamously. Shit...I don't have the Chinese vocab to say that even if I wanted to.

Last night, I was with my Taiwanese friend 栗子 (Li Zi) and we went to get bubble milk tea. And this young woman about my age, who worked there said happily and extremely loudly (in heavily accented English) "You are soooo BEAUTIFULLLLLL!!!" Then in Chinese she asked me where I was from. "You are so cute! I love you!" So then her co-workers say “他 瘋 了”And this Chinese I can understand. So I say to them in my heavily accented Chinese, "People often say I am crazy too, so we are the same (I was trying to say alike)." Really? She says. Oh yes! I reply. It was really funny moment. But I told Li Zi afterwards that I am going to get a big head at this rate. He said yes, "its like you are a star."

But here is the deal: this is all out of context. This is not me being cute (ok maybe a little). This is the idea of women being one dimensional. I just so happen to fit U.S. beauty standards somewhat, so people see me and go...oh thats similar to the U.S. that gets exported to us via pop culture. And I ABSOLUTELY get treated different. If I was black, or an Asian American (or anyone who is not a white girl who looks similar to the perceived notion of what women should look like) I would be treated differently. No doubt.

So, to keep it real: if I was here to be an export of U.S. pop culture I would live for this shit. I would stop learning Chinese and just get a job teaching English. I would live very comfortably forever in Taiwan as a 真 漂 亮 的 洋 鬼 子(very pretty foreign devil)。I could go to clubs and drink ultimated for $3 USD and party...blah blah blah. It would be too easy to exploit how far the U.S. dollar goes in Taiwan and the fact that my culture is revered (sometimes hated but not as common here).

But this is not why I am here. I am not one dimensional. I want to love people (in the bell hooks way, and some of ya'll know what I mean by that). I want to learn the language and connect with others beyond my 皮膚 (skin). I am trying to make my life about spiritual growth. If I don't focus on this goal, I would merely be my own little fucking Paris Hilton on this island. But if you know me, you know that's who I strive to emanate.

Its not as if these conversations about "how cute I am" can't lead to something meaningful. Perhaps this is a cultural specific way of talking to women. That I don't know yet. My job now? Study, study, practice, practice Chinese. Time to perfect the vocab beyond 可愛 漂亮 (cute, pretty). 好 好 學 習！

Dropping the A-Bomb....no not that A-Bomb

Last night there was a pre-semester party put on by the international student association here at Zhong Shan (NSYSU). It was at fisherman's wharf on an outdoor patio right at the bay of the Taiwan straight. Banana and beer party. Free beer (and bananas.) Chatting with folks from all over the world...etc...etc. Very fun party, I will tell you what.

So, you always get asked where your from at these type of events. I usually say something like I am from "the states" which is a fashionable way to say the U.S. when you are overseas. Even back home I very careful about making the distinction that I am a U.S. citizen not an "American" despite the big propaganda campaign put on by the U.S. government post-9/11. Y'all remember that one right? I am an American! And I hate fucking terrorists (aka anyone not deemed appropriate by the U.S.), ya hear?!?!? Yeah, I don't buy that shit. There are other parts of America besides the U.S. (in case any of y'all were unaware...now you know. Think: central and South America) Anyway, I was saying that all night. I am from "the states," with a couple folks looking slightly confused. One gentleman was like the U.S.A.? America? And had to clarify. America? America. Right.

Ok, so I finish my 第 一 瓶 臺 灣 的 啤 酒 (first bottle of Taiwanese beer) and I walk over to some of the folks from Panama and Paraguay since they happened to make up most of the group doing my favorite thing in the world: dancing。They ask, "Where are you from?" "I am from (yeah you can guess what I say) America (FUCK FUCK FUCK)." I must say they were all damn smooth in the situation all political baggage aside, "Everyone in this group is from America. What part?" How can one apologize for arrogance of 一 個 大 國 (a world power)? For freaky globalization and oppression, not to mention our historical (and current!) imperialism? You don't. This IS a party after all. You just have to apologize for the mistake in terminology. Acknowledge and discuss the political problem attached to it. And then spend the night shaking your ass with them.

Do I have the solution to this? No. Did I feel like an asshole? FUCK YES. Did I have an amazing time shimmying and grooving with a group of folks from all over the globe? You bethca! Never underestimate the power of dance as a universal language--one that unites a bunch of sweaty bodies in the sticky heat of Taiwan.

Have a little help from my friends! 我很感謝你！

So, some of ya'll may be saying...wow, she has done a lot for being their just shy of three days. And you would be right---I have done ALOT. So here is where I break the facade that I am some bad ass. I am only a bad ass in that I have the most AMAZING friend and her name is Ero!!!!

So first off, she picks me up from the airport, hails us a cab, then when we get to the university she talks to the dorm attendant to get me into a dorm. And needless to say this is all in Chinese. I literally have hardly talked to any administrators from either the institutions I belong to (PSU or NSYSU). Ero has taken care of everything. I practically owe her my life . But she won't hear any of that. She hardly lets me buy her dinner (but once I get a little quicker on the draw...I will treat...just you wait).

We immediately go to the westernized super store, Carre Four taking the bus and MRT (high speed train thing) to get me bedding and other stuff for living. I am so elated to be out in the city with someone who moves happily and naturally through the city. Better yet, we add two Panamanian men to our posse, Ramon and Luis. They are extremely nice and total gentlemen. Insisting we enter doors first, pushing the cart, and carrying our bags. It really freaked me out. But I appreciated the sentiment. 很 好 的 男 生！

After escorting me to the book store Ero and I eat and then go to Cijin Island. It is a short walk from campus and then a 10 ferry ride. We sat on the beach and observed. Watched the sun set and we reaffirmed how blessed we are to be friends.

Today, Ero picked me up bright and early and arranged for me to take my placement test. She waited an hour and half for me to get done with the test. Then we went and got my Alien Resident Card. I must say if she were not there....getting my ARC would have been a total pain in my ass. Then...and then....yes folks there is no end to this woman's compassion and willingness to help...she takes me back to Carre Four to get a cell phone. This time she pushes me to talk to the attendant myself. And I felt pretty damn accomplished getting the cell phone in Chinese (and lots of hand gestures). It goes pretty smoothly and I want to hug the store attendant when we are done.

So, this is why I am extremely settled in this very foreign land. And this is only a summary. This does not cover all the little ways Ero makes communication possible. Her Chinese is amazing since studying here (she is saying 我不敢當 but don't believe her she is being modest). Not only has her skills made these past few days possible but it gives me hope that I too will improve studying here at the wonderful 中山大學 (National Sun Yet-sen University).

So, yeah I am fucking lucky to be on tropical island studying Chinese full time. But I am even luckier to have a truly loving friend with me.

Ero， 我愛你！

Like being in a snow globe. Only really hot.

So, I am trying to find the words to describe what Taiwan is like for me. I have never been too good with words. My mom blames it on the fact that we didn't play scrabble very often when I was a kid. But regardless of if this is true or not, I find it very hard to describe Taiwan. First off, it is sensory overload. Sensory overload, within a haze of humid heat that sticks to you like fly paper. Yes folks, its true, Taiwan is fucking hot! I am a lucky butt and have air conditioning in my room. Thank the lords. But when you go outside you drip sweat all the time. That is just how it is.

It is said that the Taiwanese like 熱閙。It means a bustling noise and excitement. 熱 means hot (temperature) and 閙 means noisy. And I would say that in comparison is the states...Kaohsiung is 熱閙! There is so much life in the streets---hence the snow globe reference. I really have never seen anything like this in my life. Everywhere there are scooters, pedestrians, bikes, food carts, alters for gods and loved ones that have passed, stray dogs. And these things aren't just everywhere...they mix and mingle like some beautiful choreographed catastrophe. There aren't really any sidewalks in Kaohsiung (at least the area I am in) and when there are sidewalks they are either part of an opening to a shop, have a food cart on them, or are used for scooter parking. It is amazing how pedestrians and cars and stray dogs move like they are doing the tango. Its amazing...seriously amazing. The problem is I have yet to capture the 熱 閙 streets of Kaohsiung in a picture. I never do it justice. So I will wait to post a picture of the streets of Kaohsiung until I come close to showing the raw energy of this place. Lets just say I am speechless. A picture is worth a thousand words---I am bankrupt.

坐 飛 機！Big ol' jet airliner, please take me so far away.... because Formosa is where I got to stay.

"Why does this departure screen say my plane leaves at 8:55?" I say after three mojitos and delicious Mac and Cheese (my last meal in the states) I though I read 11:11 pm? Looking at printed itinerary. FUCK! That's when I arrive in L.A. not when I leave PDX! FUCK FUCK FUCK! What time is it Micah (thanks so much for seeing me off bear)? 8:25. I have to go!

What stands in my way of getting Taiwan? Besides my stoner-esque mistake: The Transportation Security Administration. TSA---administrating "security" and hysteria better than the fucking KGB. So I follow the procedure....getting barefoot, traying my belongings. Grumbling...."Ma'am you need to take out your laptop," says the old gentleman. My bag is sitting on top of the x-ray machine...I go to grab it out. Ma'am do not touch the bag!" a woman snaps at me. "I am sorry but I thought was just instructed to do so." I reply only a little annoyed...mostly just worried about missing my plane. "You should have done so before hand...once it goes through it belongs to us." And then the old gentleman adds with a cackle, "And its 1000 lashes for leaving it in your bag...hahaha." I think in my head...I might actually enjoy that sir. I'm a freak. "With all due respect sir, I would not be fucking surprised if that's how you all operated." We all laugh...we are in Portland after all. My stuff goes through with no further problems. As I am leaving the woman says to me, "You ought to work for us...you make assumptions like we do." (whatever that means) I reply as I run off..."I don't know about that, I will never work for the man."

Now, if there is a hell, it is the L.A. international airport. Seriously. I get off the plane into a hall that looks like an abandoned hospital...no signs. Long story short...I had no fucking clue where to go...and neither did most of the people who got off the flight. I find a woman helping a traveler in a wheelchair and she was able to tell me the general direction. So I get to this big door that says international flights. It looks like sheep lined up for slaughter. Then I noticed the international flights sign says they are the third floor and says to take elevator....with an arrow that truly pointed nowhere.

I finally find my gate...and at that point the women that work for China Airlines took care of me. THEY ARE AMAZING. This is where I give a huge shout out to China Airlines, "我愛你們。” (I love you all!) They got me hooked up with both my boarding passes to Taibei and Kaohsiung and helped me find my gate. Then I get another encounter with TSA. This time I the wiser. The extremely sexy and sweet TSA worker asks me if I have my laptop out. "Yes, I got threatened with a 1000 lashes in PDX for not taking it out, so I know whats up." I then come through the metal detector, looking like Tuh-duh, my arms all akimbo. I ask sexy man if I am through (I was hoping for 1000 lashes :-) ). "You are all set," he smiles. "Darn...that was fun! I could spend a little more time with you my friend."

The rest of my flight was awesome because I was in hands of goddess mothers (aka China Airlines stewardesses). But I must tell one more story of my plane adventure. I arrive in Taibei early in the morning and their are very few travelers. I get to my gate and it is enclose by a glass wall with a door...so I try to open the door and it is locked. The man behind the glass stoically points to the way I came and then up. I give him a thumbs up...but I am fucking confused. So I turn around and I see one lone person...a woman who is very clearly janitorial staff. Maybe its just me but in the states, janitorial staff aren't the folks you ask for help finding your gate. Plus, I was not sure if she spoke either Mandarin or English. But she sees me and comes up to me speaking Mandarin and pointing wildly. She smiles. I understand most of her directions but it is very clear that I have a lot of questions for her. She was surprised that I could ask questions in Mandarin. And then she says the most endearing thing you can say, "我陪你去。” But she said...I will accompany you there. My heart just melted. Maybe she could sense that my dad has been in the janitorial business. My first interaction in Taiwan: riding the moving walkway with this woman chatting in Chinese. Sounds so small but it means a lot to have a little bit of love when you step into a foreign country.

I love Taiwan. 我愛臺灣！

我 的 第 一 Blog Post

After finishing one of the most lackluster dinners I have in Portland in a while (at an establishment which I won't name...because a lady never tells) I survey my situation. First of all, American food---not going to miss it. In 24 hours I will be boarding a plane to Taiwan. My suitcase, which is packed in the loosest sense of the word, sits lopsided, covered in cat hair, begging, at the very least to be zipped up. Time to zip up and roll out. Similar to how gangster keeps time.

A morning with Emma. She is the sunshine in the shade, illuminating through the mimosa haze and the drone of macho transportation on Forster. We had a radical breakfast (AMAZING Huevos Rancheros at Bar Carlo...I suppose I will miss some American food) moving towards our roots. We talked change. We talked growth. She loaned me bravery and grit. What would we do without love?

Zip.