Under my Umbrella: Everything I know About Parasols and 入境隨俗

And today we are going to talk about beauty standards in Taiwan, bullying, and my parasol-carrying-gangsta ass. How does that sound? Boring? It seems like it wouldn't have many layers but I think it does, and I want to talk about it.

So when I first arrived to Taiwan, early September, the weather was pretty hot. 80 sometimes pushing 90 and humid as fuck. And yet I would still see local ladies wearing jeans and a sweater. Sometimes they would also be wearing a hat, face mask, and carrying a parasol (that my friends, is the most extreme you will see.) And I am like...how do they not melt? I am melting in a tank top and shorts. I thought they were vampires. For real. (And a side note: I actually think that would be a really sexy drama: an island of Taiwanese-lady vampires. Student by day, blood sucking diva by night. Oh shit yeah. Go to the night market eat pigs blood cakes and then get your own blood feasted upon by a group of high school girls. YES!)

So later I was told that it is because Taiwanese gals don't like to tan. The whiter the skin the better. Than I noticed when I went to buy sunscreen I had to try really hard to find the kind that didn't have whitener (skin bleaching product) in it. Same goes for face wash and lotions. Must be super careful or else you end up using a product that is really harsh (perhaps dangerous) on your skin.

So after about a month it becomes apparent what the beauty standards are for women here. Just like most industrialized capitalist countries, complete with their predatory marketing, within a day, with a good sociologist eye, one can know what the standard of beauty is in a day. Really, just like the USA or anywhere in Europe.

But regardless that this is just another form of patriarchal beauty standards, the same kind of shit I tried to resist in the US, I had an extremely adverse reaction to these behaviors (carrying a parasol, buying whiting cream) anyway. I did the thing where I just blamed Taiwanese girls themselves, I was like, "dumb girls. What the fuck? You look like you need to go outside, exercise, and eat a fucking steak." I really said that. I am going to be honest here, no shame.

This was at a point in my time here in Taiwan where I was experiencing temporary insanity, also known as "culture shock." It is a real thing. And everyone deals with it in a different way. But here is what I will say about *my* experience with culture shock:

My perception was fucked. The (very loose) definition of mental illness is you are divorced from reality. From my own experience, I would say culture shock is a mental illness. Everything I saw, I just made assumptions. 疑神疑鬼 (I don't know if I can use that 俗語 here but it was like suspecting everything about Taiwanese culture was fundamentally fucked and possibly inferior to my own culture.) These blind assumptions turned into convictions, therefore divorcing me from reality. And it made Taiwan a living hell. Really. Almost took my mentally ill-ass back to the states.

It was pretty much one of the most intense experience of my lifetime. But you know how I got over the culture shock? 1.)Drinking tons of water and fresh fruit juice flushing out this bad outlook and 2.) more importantly, admitting that I probably misunderstood a few (fundamental) things about this place. And that I needed to start over, allowing for a new perception. It was a little more complex than that...most of all it just took time. But y'all get the general idea.

In case you don't feel me, ready for a metaphor? Cliche? ME? Nah! Getting used to living in a foreign country, to be specific, my experience in Taiwan has been like breaking in a new shoe. It could be any kind of shoe, but for me it was a sexy-ass high heal. So lets say, you are so excited to wear this sexy-ass heal...damn so sexy. Beyond the sexiness, when you tried it on in the store and it was quite comfortable and everyone (friends you went shopping with, store employee) assured you it was a good shoe. A perfect fit.

You buy the shoes, excitedly put them on and wear them a whole day. And then you discover an ugly truth. These shoes aren't comfortable, in fact these shoes are fucking painful. Your opinion of this shoe does a 260 and you never want to wear these fucking shoes again. And not only do you want to throw the shoes in the river, but you want to buy a different pair, a better fitting pair. Not only that, you also want to announce to the world how shitty these shoes are, warn your friends and family never to buy this type of shoe.

But instead, you just take the shoes off. Rest for a day, let the wounds and blisters on your feet heal. And when you put them on again, the pain is not so acute. And you start to wear the heals this way: when they hurt too much take them off, but when the wounds heal you continue to put those bitches back on.

And eventually, (after approximately 3 months) the shoes not only don't hurt, but you are wearing like and walking like a diva in the streets of Taiwan, waltzing passed spit out betel nut 檳榔 , pirouetting through parked scooters. Why go from hating the style to diva style? Because your feet are actually more flexible than you think, and they also callus. Where the shoe used to hit and cause pain is now accustomed and pain is replaced with a whole new sensation.

So, I am going to get back to beauty standards and parasols and bullying. Eventually. But I think it is important to highlight this aspect of culture shock and getting accustomed to a place. And bring up this awesome Chinese Idiom 成語 : 入境隨俗 (Ru Jing Sui Su) which is often translated into English as "when in Rome do as the Romans do." But in Chinese, this idiom has nothing to do with Rome. But it is about this: When entering a place or new culture you should pick up some of the habits. It ain't a bad thing. The more flexible you are (just like your feet in heals) the easier you become accustomed. And when you become more accustomed the better you can learn about the people, place, and culture. And this works better than being stubborn and making false assumptions about what a culture or place is all about (like I did in the beginning.)

Flash back to beauty standards in Taiwan. So yeah, white skin and the extremes some Taiwanese women go to achieve this. Well, it sticks out to the foreign (READ: western) eye. Just like well, just like about EVERYTHING else. Do you see packs of stray dogs in the US? Or a man washing vegetables you are about to eat in the street? Really. Shit sticks as different. As if you are in a foreign country or something

So, what I want to argue here is that the beauty standards in Taiwan, specifically the white skin thing, although is problematic, has the same implications as beauty standards in the US or any other country.

Before I was like oh how these girls pitifully agree to oppression, how can they be this obsessed with white skin? But after adjusting my 看法 way of looking at things I was like, well my country has this same kind of phenomena, it is just less apparent because I am used to it.

Let us take the same subject: skin color. In the states, girls and their tan skin lust. I will say, I ain't hatin' one bit, but is this not the same idea? Spending lots of money to go to the tanner, buying self-tanner creams (that may or may not turn you orange if you buy the wrong kind), bronzers, siting in the sun religiously everyday, so on and so forth.

So yeah, same idea, going out of ones way to alter their appearance for the sake of lookin good. In doing so not only spending one's dollars, but also possibly endangering one's health (whitening creams, tanning too often.) And is there anything wrong with that? Well, I guess that is how you look at it. I personally really don't think it is good or bad.

Following society's beauty standards is not always vapid or shallow, it often has other layers to it. For example, I know a lot of American women who have expressed that tanning is a form of relaxation for them. Or the fact that by protecting themselves from the sun Taiwanese gals actually are protecting themselves from skin cancer and over-exposure.

But in the end, either way, if a woman chooses to participate in patriarchal beauty standards does not make her oppressed, stupid, shallow or the like. People are not one dimensional, each and every one of us are complete with souls, and everyone has their reasons for colluding in hard-to-reach, 麻煩 troublesome beauty standards.

Also to note on race. If white skin is beautiful than black skin must be....well,yes you get it. And is racism a problem in Taiwan? Yes. Is racism a problem in other countries around the world? Yes. And from my experience in the US I find that racism is more sneaky under the guise of (we are cool with race here, I have black friends you know.) and it makes it almost more intense because it is harder to articulate the problem than it is here in Taiwan. But this aspect is another blog post all together. Racism and systematic oppression based on race: check and check. :-(

But in the end: women all over the world go through masochistic, self-inflicted pain to try to be what society deems perfect. And to try to compare which country's women are worse off is a fruitless comparison. Comparing experiences of oppression really is not the most useful way of understand oppression and how it functions.

How to understand oppression? Well, first off one must take out the shame in the fact that sometimes we all (and I mean everybody) participate and collude in systems of oppression (just ask bell hookshttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bell_hooks.) For example some of us participate in crazy beauty standards, in an essence supporting them. And I ain't going to get all feminist analysis on yo' ass, but for real y'all, the more we take shame out of the equation the more we can talk about the issues at hand. Because shame is always used by the oppressor to keep those oppressed from talking about our own reality. So yeah, no shame you go to the tanner everyday! Should you stop because it is oppressive? Well that is not question for anyone else but that very person to answer. Is it even considered oppressive? Also up to that person to answer.

I am going feminist on ya. This is going to get too complicated. What I am getting at is: don't judge y'all. You can have your own feelings ways of behaving reagaridng certain aspects of beauty standards, but there is no need to place judgement and blame on others. Know what I mean yo?

***

So yeah I carry a parasol, like a Taiwanese girl. 入境隨俗 Doing like the Romans do.

Do I value the Taiwanese beauty standards as if they were my own? Well, in short, no. I didn't grow up here. I have not seen whiteness as a symbol of beauty my whole life.

But I did grow up knowing that young skin is good. And wrinkles...no woman wants wrinkles. *so the man says* Yeah I have been worried about premature aging since middle school....sunscreen is must for me yo.

But yeah, I get to Taiwan, and I start getting wrinkles. And beyond on that, Taiwanese (and Asians in general) tend to look fricken young. So with that in mind, when the locals guess my age here they guess....28. I am fucking 23! God damn it all!

And here sunscreen melts off me. And even with sunscreen on over exposure to the sun can still damage your skin and is bad for your health. So yeah, hence the parasol. So if anyone was wondering, that is my reason. I don't want premature aging or skin cancer.

In the end is the parasol carring related to beauty standards? Fuck yes (I don't want to age prematurely.) Am I ok with that? Yes. Even if the parasol will not prevent aging (because guess what? aging is natural) it makes me feel secure. Very secure and proactive. And guess what else? Like a motha fucking diva! Seriously! Like oh I am a lady...the sun, oh it is just too much for me. hee hehe. It just keeps getting "worse" and "worse" right?

Nah. I will say it again. Whatever works for you. This makes me feel secure about my self, and I am doing it. What of it? When I find that parasol becomes an oppressive force (and I become so obsessed with premature aging that I really start to sacrifice my health) then I will ditch it. But as of now, the sun umbrella,known as a parasol (although my doubles for rain as well) is a happy addition to my life on a tropical island.

Word.

So, a word to the bullying. Yeah a fellow international student said she "felt bad for me." Because apparently I have turned into a Taiwanese girl who carries a parasol for fear of turning dark. She also had a very disgusted look on her face. Maybe it was lost in translation (English not being her mother language) but uh, no need to feel bad for me yo. Me or the Taiwanese girls here. They don't care if you think it is strange they carry parasols, they will do it regardless. As will I. And really no need to feel bad for me. Life is good. A wrinkle or two has not at all taken away from my daily marvel of life.

Do I care? Well, I didn't like being bullied like I was in middle school again. I am just going to eat at the school cafe and some person gets all disgusted because I am carrying a parasol. But I get it yo. I also at one point (culture shock) have thought that the parasol carrying thing was kind of pathetic. But maybe my blog post can clear things up a bit or give some food for thought. Maybe not. But yo, yo, parasol carrying Taiwanese girls and me aren't actually pitiful. Indeed, no more pitiful than our make-up wearing sisters. Ya dig?

Also, I have used the word "diva" a lot in this post.

Aw, why did you have to make the oral contraceptive cry?

I could be doing my homework. Or I could watch cartoons in Chinese about oral contraceptives. Quite fascinating.

The concept of these cartoons begins with common misconceptions Taiwanese (or anyone but I assume the audience is Taiwanese) might have about oral contraceptives. For example, it will make you fat, want to puke, moody, never be able to have children again (after discontinuing use), etc.

And then the contraceptive, who is cute, pink, and personified cries and says, "You misunderstand!" It is so cute I can't even fucking stand it. Poor contraceptive! Don't misunderstand her folks.

These are really short videos. And if you don't speak Chinese I still think you might get the picture. Very entertaining!

And this is a pretty effective method because from what I see Asia is in love with cute shit and cartoons. For real. I have peeps to back me up on this.

The one you should pay attention to is the very first one on this channel. It features a user of oral contraceptives mother who comes in and pokes holes in her daughter's condoms while saying, "see if you still won't give me a grandson." And then when she sees the oral contraceptive is like, "the pill! oh she will never get pregnant!" And then at the end...the daughter says to her mother, "if you want a grandson, why didn't you just say something."

You all might be like what the fuck? Indeed. I could help clarify...but I am tired. Ok, that is not fair. Here are somethings to keep in mind about this:

1. Some old school Taiwanese still have the Chinese concept of men being better than woman. Worth more and what not. So they hope to have grandSONs and maybe not grandDAUGHTERS. 重男輕女

2. Uh the condom thing...I have heard rumors that this happens sometimes. And had a friend specifically warn me about this when I was dating my last boyfriend. Now what are mom's doing in your room? Well most Taiwanese live with their family...for a long time. Maybe after marriage, fr lots of reasons, financial, they are more family oriented than Americans tend to be, to care for the older parents in the name of filial piety 孝順, tradition, etc. Good thing I got out of that when I did. The condoms did stay at his house (with his mother.) This video almost made me faint.

Yeah. Enjoy yo! The batman movie is about the social stigma in Taiwan with buying contraceptives. I liked it.

And as far as I can tell this is not sponsored by a contraceptive company. It appears to be health related. I am not sure I will have to look into that more.

Enjoy. And remember don't spread rumors about the pill make and make her cry. It is such a sad sight.

雙雙 Today: 2 and 2

Today was a typical Saturday. Getting up late,grabbing a latte at 12 and chatting with the ladies at the coffee stand, exercising, getting together with friends, staying out too late. It is good. Life is good.

Today I marveled at the two points where my heart did that thing it does when it experiences human beings loving each other. It is that strange jumpy/warm thing. Like someone took one of those heating pads you put on your hands in the winter, and put it on my soul. Soul-heating-pads. That is not poetic. Who needs to be poetic at 4 AM when they are drunk? Some folks can pull it off, well that ain't my 天分 (talent) baby.

But being emotional is. It is my talent. My mom said at a young age (before I could understand a movie plot) I started crying at sappy chick flicks, so I take that as I sign I was meant to be over sensitive and emotionally charged. Right on. It might be one of my 優點 (strong points)...because appears to be the only one I have now at this point.


Two Heart Warming Things

1. So I am going to combined two things into one heart-warming experience, because well, the title is two and two. And otherwise it will mess up my intended format...and I am drunk and lazy and don't want to change it. So anyway, I go for my usual coffee at the coffee stand at the campus square. And I realize I totally forgot my money purse (I have the diaper bag-sized purse...but no money. So much for being prepared.)! And I am like, "stop don't make that latte I forgot my coin purse." And then the lady at the coffee stand is like, “不用客氣，改天好了！Don't worry about it, pay another day! But the way she said it, was like she has been expecting this for a long time. Something reassuring about having folks trust you, even if I do go there almost everyday to get the same coffee (iced latte, no sugar) for the past 7 months straight. And then as I am leaving I look over on the concrete benches lining the square, a middle aged Taiwanese couple, laying on a pair of benches,side by side, and their shoes thrown to the side, getting a reprieve from the intense summer heat. And then the struck me, was they were sitting just so, letting the bottoms of their feet touch. Something so intimate about that, and beautiful. And if you read "Cat's Cradle" by Vonnegut you would find another layer to this.

2. Today I went out with some friends. One of which I encouraged to drink with me. And so I am drunk (he is not because he actually likes moderation...) and we quickly breeze through the largest Night Market in Kaohsiung (at least I think it is瑞豐？) grab some snacks as we watch it close down (around 1 or 2AM.) And if you have never seen a night market close up shop...I recommend it. It makes one appreciate even more the marvel of this spectacular Taiwanese bazaar called the Night market. really. Amazing. Don't get run over by a truck hauling the goods out. Anyway, we go to the nearest coffee shop. Get drinks, I eat cake, shaped like a bear. I am so happy to eat cake. And then my friend begins to tell ghost stories. Which actually were beyond amazing. (1. I understood them. My listening comprehension is coming along 2. Telling stories is a great way to learn a language. So lately I have been listening to random folks stories (aka eves dropping on Taiwanese's conversations) and reading them. Because I remember that is actually how I became literate (ok somewhat) in my mother tongue, English.) Reall my he is a good story teller...complete with pauses and scary man voice.

And as he finishes my other friend mentions that he plans to drive me home (via scooter) and how one road is really scary and lonely. And he will be riding back alone. And ghosts..and the like. And then the conversation turns to Taiwanese language. Which of course I don't understand. And there is a reason for this I am sure (talking about how to deal with the lonely drive home?) It must be mentioned that the average Taiwanese is very superstitious about ghosts...I mean really. I have had very westernized, modern, from Taibei, friends who do no want you to mention ghosts if you are in an isolated, dark place.

Well anyways the heart warming part of this is. My friend ends up accompanying my other friend to drive me back to the dorm. Hence, avoiding the lonely, possibly ghost filled ride home. For all its differences from its American counterpart, I love Taiwanese masculinity (another blog post I promise you all...still doing research.)This moment made me think of my best friend, Hannah. And the things she was willing to do even if they were totally irrational (why not drive to Mount Pleasant to gamble at midnight? GREAT IDEA!) Good friends rock!

Two Things I Can't Get Over

I will keep these short because well I am getting tired. And why focus on the some-what less-than-positive aspects of life in Taiwan.

1. Discussing my facial features in front of me. I can hear you. And yes my nose and eyes are different because, guess what? I am a different race. Crazy...as much as I wish I could be Asian I am Caucasian and that is it.

I know my nose can be a topic of conversation (not in a negative way) in the states too. But that is with people I know very well. But in Taiwan random strangers bring it up and want to talk about it. Guys on first dates will compliment my nose. It is quite...uh interesting.

But on public transportation, going to meet friends and having folks like stare at you, talk about you, and then touch their own face longingly is not only creepy, but uncomfortable. Most of the times I ignore it. But today it was a couple (man and woman) and I found that particularly disturbing. Get your own nose bitches!

2. Yes, I am white. Yes, I speak Chinese. Good god...it is not that strange is it? I guess it it. But whenever Asia chooses to get over the fact that not all Americans think learning a second language in unpatriotic, I will be here....I will even talk to them.

But a simple request Mr.老闆 (man at food stand), please stop saying you bet I can't speak Chinese when I am saying to you (in Chinese)that I can. You heard me talking to my friends...and I don't understand why it freaks you out so much. Do you think it is strange you use all the money I, and other guests are giving you, to send your children to an after-school cram school to learn English? Do you think your children are like aliens when they practice speaking English?

But overall, these two things, although, things I am very accoustumed to, still somehow stick out as annoyance. Yet for real...they are not that bad. Actually these kind of instances tend to be my biggest woe...and that really, really, really ain't bad. I have ways of handling them. And tend to do it some-what gracefully without hurting anyone feelings, or making Taiwanese think (realize the truth) that is upsets me.

But my coping skills are another blog post all together. Now I just want to say: the heart warming things and annoying things....well to be honest, aren't all that different. They just remind me that...well we are all human here.

I can be trusting like the lady at the coffee shop, I can be insecure and shallow like folks on the subway, I can be intimate and sweet like the couple I can campus, and I can be callous and closed-minded like the boss at the food stand. I think everyone has their moments. And it is just that. Moments. Moments of life here and there...nothing paved in stoned, nothing black or white, good or bad...just movement. And for today, just blur of night markets, faces, and ghosts.

If you give a mouse a chance to live on an island, learn Chinese, and eat stinky tofu. 及時行樂

So I just went to the office of immigration and got my Alien Resident Card extended for a year. I pick it up in 10 days. And I feel like, Ok, so it really official now. I am staying another year or so in Taiwan.

Why?

Why not?

I actually never want to go home. The food is better on a whole, made good friends, and a snap shot of life: sometimes there are 廟會 舞獅 (crazy parades put on the by temples complete dancing lions, traditional Chinese awesome) in the street, next to a metro shopping paradise with young Taiwanese, decked out in punk gear with dyed blonde hair and blue contact lens. This place...consumes me.

Don't get me wrong people in the states! I miss you all like mad. And I miss the states for what it is: my home. I miss relating to other people naturally...I miss good beer. I also miss American-style sense of humor. So, please don't take my "never wanting to go home" to heart. I love you guys more than anything. And I wish I could also be by your side and laughing, loving, growing.

So that brings me to where I am at now. I sit here and I go...what am I doing here?

I love Taiwan, I love Kaohsiung, no doubt. And my goal is to become somewhat fluent in Chinese. So yeah. That is it. That is why I am here.

These things are very sure. But I have this god damn voice in my head and this voice really makes me uncomfortable and worried. It constantly says, "And then what?"

Like what do you do after that? You learn Chinese for two years, and then what? Graduate...work as a server at a restaurant, pay off massive amounts of loans. Drink beer with friends. Read Chinese novels in my free time.....talk to the servers at Chinese restaurants.

Doesn't sound bad. But this route feels like...like a Chinese Idiom *我愛成語啊！* I learned today: 半途而廢 And it just means "To give up half way." I also learned an idiom last week that I think reflect my situation after two years in Taiwan: 大材小用(Thanks 威霖！) It means to have a talent (for me Chinese) and then not use it 浪費人材.

So recently I have been thinking. Wouldn't it be awesome to just keep studying? Fuck the work force! I will just be a student for a long long long long time. Maybe get my PHD if I can manage it. Why the fuck not?

Do people go for their PHD with this line of thinking (why the fuck not)? I don't even know. But I do have a new goal: Get my masters degree! Maybe in Modern Chinese Literature. In Taiwan.

That is a little crazy. Really. Doing a masters degree...all in Chinese is pretty ball-sey大膽 (how do you even spell that word? Maybe I should just use the word brazen.) But I am going to try! So, this next year I am going to work my butt off, and we where it gets me. I am going to try and audit some classes in Chinese here at the bachelor level and see how that goes. Also next year take the Chinese Proficiency test to get an idea of where I am at.

Why think about the future? I don't know. I wish I didn't because it actually makes me think of all the wonderful loans I have taken out. But hey, if you aren't in debt you aren't American. Oh fuck.

Oh fuck it.

I am living it like I mean it. I am loving life and that is good enough for now. And actually that is better than "good enough," that must mean I am doing something right. 把握今天baby! Just got to keep listening to that loving, pure, true, dancing, self. And fuck this damn voice asking me, "then what?" Because that voice will ask this same damn question no matter what I do. On my death bed asking this damn question (at that point quite obvious what is next.) You know what I will say next time she asks, "I don't know. It is uncertain. And that is how it is supposed to be." Because the future is nothing but that, uncertain. Ain't that the truth. Tomorrow global warming couldn take a turn for the worse...Taiwan is underwater within a day. Ok, no need to get morbid. Tomorrow I could join a Taiwanese hip-hop dance group, marry the lead dancer, and spend the rest of my life dancing. OMG! That sounds like the shit! I am crossing my fingers for surprise outcome number two.

Why not As my Taiwanese friends ALWAYS say to me, "別想太多" Don't think too much.

Time to eat with two of my lovely friends! Viva 台灣！及時行樂！

您的服務非常好！我感謝您！ Defying Gravity by Buying Bras in Taiwan.

I cringe. CRINGE! Taiwan is not a tipping society. Being a server and working in the people-serving industry makes you appreciate and understand why we have tips. In Taiwan, only under very special circumstances do you see a service person get a tip. Actually to be honest, I saw it for the first time the day before yesterday, when this Taiwanese guy was trying to impress me (maybe we was actually a very generous man who knows?) and tipped a bar tender. Don't get excited! It was like 20 Kuai or so (less than a $1 USD folks.) The other circumstance---other than trying to gain the Chinese concept of "face" which is another blog post (or 12) altogether---is when you are very rich and busy and say something like, "不用找" or "no need to get change" to the cab driver. And when did I see that? On a Taiwanese sitcom...not real life.

So the tipping thing is kind of complex. And I have lots of ideas and examples I would like to bring up----but that is not with this post is about . This post is about bras. Underwire. And omg....it is like being born again....really. But just to stop some of the outrage that might be emanating from my fellow servers back in the states I will just highlight a few things about service in Taiwan:

1. When you go to a restaurant in Taiwan the service is absolutely nothing like the US. Not to say that it is bad....but it is not like...like in the US where, "you are coming for the experience of eating out. For the food to be just like you like it." If you go to 一家小吃店 a typical mom and pop noodle place here in Taiwan (which I do for almost every meal) you might complain about the food (I haven't yet but have been with folks who have) and the owner might straight up argue with you and be offended.

2. Brings me to the next point. It appears...and I don't like to make vapid and foundation less (made that word up I think) generalization but it appears that Taiwanese complain a lot a less than Americans. Really. I have been with Taiwanese friends who will eat things that they didn't order (the staff bought the wrong thing) or things that don't taste right. One time I was with a friend who ate the food and said it was OK like no problem. And I mean, keep in mind this guy is pretty over the top, but still, we leave the restaurant and after a few blocks he is like, "that food was awful I am going to throw up." And he actually did. Right there on the side of the road.

3. Some places (most westernized bars...but sometimes more upscale places as well) will add a 10% gratuity.(yes that is the most you will ever see.)

So with these few things in mind, you may think, wow the service must suck. But it actually doesn't. In general that is because....well the difference in culture. I am in the middle of (and conforming to) a very different culture. And a non-tipping one at that. So it is just DIFFERENT. But I could go into the fine points of Taiwan's service industry another time. But I will say this: I have had some good service. Good service in which I didn't tip for (I swear to god it is the culture!!!! I do cringe. For example, you don't even tip the hairdresser. No tip to be like, "thanks for not fucking up my hair and making me look like an ass." I was flipping out. I kept asking my Taiwanese friends, "are you sure? There is no way I don't tip!" 真的假的？怎麽會這樣子？！)

But I have never had outstanding service. Until. TODAY!

I bought a bra. Or three. Ok, three!

I decided a week ago I need a bra with underwire. When I hit college (about 4 or so years ago) and I was very offended by underwire. I can't even remember why I hated the underwire. But I haven't worn an underwire bra in about three or four years.

In line with my recent, crazy changes of becoming more and more feminine (this is another blog post as well. My lifestyle has changed dramatically aside from the cultural and language stuff. It is insane. As well as awesome.) I decided I needed a bra with an underwire because:

1. It is really, really hot here. And I sweat everywhere. And that means...if your boobs aren't supported and skin against skin, well if you are a woman, you get where I am going with this.

2. I saw a picture of myself that particularly emphasized the fact that sometimes I look a little less than perky....to put it nicely.

So, with two awesome girlfriends, Jin Ting and Bri, I go to the department store. The Taiwan department store is the same concept as the U.S. mall, mindless (yet oh-so-temporarily satisfying) consumerism, yet set up a different way. So the department stores tend to go up, not out (like our lovely US malls.) So, 大遠百 (Mega)the department store we went to was some 17 stories. And each story is a department (hense the name) selling the same type of goods. For example, the 5th will sell women's clothing, 8th floor, sporting goods. Like that.

So, then you get to your designated floor and department you feel like you are in one big store. One big department at JC Penny for example. At least that is how I feel. "Wow, one big bra store with each section having its designated brand-name." But what you come to find out is that actually each brand name has its own service people. It is like each is its own store. This is different than the US. It could be really confusing if you don't realize it. Like you are looking at one bra and then without paying attention move a few feet away and look at a different bra...but this is actually a different "store." So I often have service people herding me back into my original store of interest. It is quite amusing.

So, we randomly come to one section, mostly because they had non-ugly non-lace bras. The main deciding factor for me on whether service is good or bad in Taiwan is the first impression and what I will call "the foreigner factor." Being white in the south of Taiwan I run into lots of...well, I have gone over this. But lets just say, I stick out like a red wine stain on white linen. And people don't know what to do. They are obsessed with English. Really. So they just see me and are like, AH! What do I do? She doesn't speak Chinese. She is FOREIGN. She will think I am dumb, I don't speak English...who knows what all goes through their minds? But let me say I cause some major stress for these people, simply by being whitey.

But if a service just approaches me like any other customer---I AM BEYOND HAPPY. I am a customer before I am a foreigner. And when I speak to the service person in Chinese they respond in Chinese just like no big thing.

A turn off, and something that just pisses me off, makes me loose my manners, makes me not buy, is when a person refuses to talk to me in Chinese. Or after speaking to me Chinese feel they need to "translate" into English, so they scream (really their voices get so loud when they speak English) out simple English half-sentences at me. I am done after that. Bitches, I don't spend hours everyday study Chinese so I can hear broken English when I am trying to buy shit. Sometimes I hand them back their merchandise and say in Chinese, "wow! Your English is so fluent!" I don't know why it pisses me off so much. But it feels really embarrassing when you speak to someone in their language, a language you are studying in college, and they just respond in English. I know my Chinese isn't fluent yet, but I understand enough to buy things, ask question, and talk pretty fluidly. I have done it many, many times without a hitch. So recently I pretend like I don't speak English. And that is more fun. Or better yet, something I will try next time someone refuses to speak to me Chinese, I will pretend I can't understand their pronunciation. "I am sorry I don't understand your English. Can I trouble you to speak Chinese." Hee hee....I am going to hell.

So yeah, this service women comes out and just starts talking to me about how the pads in the bras can be removed. And helping me find the style I like. Nothing about foreigner stuff, no singular English words screamed out, just clearly spoken Chinese, and patient answering of my questions. Then when I go to try on the bras she says, "Your Chinese is very good." Which I just want to make clear does not mean it is true. Taiwanese folks will say that to you just hearing you say a few simple sentences. But still, that was the closest she got to the foreigner factor.

But this is an aside. The real service happened in the dressing room. She gets me a few styles to try on and then says to me, "Ok, when you try it on I am going to come in and see if it fits you properly in the shoulder and bust. I will knock first." And I am like momentarily like, "say what?" But them I am like shit OK, this is good. It is her job to know how it fits.

She comes in and asks me some questions about how it fits and then brings up the fact that has only been brought up to me one other time before (by my mother and it was quickly dismissed by my 17 year old self) and that is: there is a special method to wearing underwire bras. A right way...and then many wrong ways.

And I am standing in the dressing room with her thinking, man I don't know how this thing works. It can't be that complex can it? So she is explaining to me how to do it, and I tell you it wouldn't have mattered if it was English, I would have still been so lost. I got what she was saying but I am like...really? You lift and pull up? If I do that my tit is going to fall out of this puppy.

And then she did something that I think goes way beyond service I have ever had in the US. For real. She is like, I can help you and show you what I mean. I have to touch under the bra, is that ok? And I am like ok whatever we are all ladies. But she puts one hand on the underwire, and the other hand does this crazy under-the-bra upward-swooping, split-second, magical motion and BAM! GOD DAMN! Holly shit!

I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS ON MYSELF. My boobs have never looked this...WOW! I mean it was really transforming...mentally and physically. I felt so supported, yet I really looked like, you know how sometimes you see pop-stars and/or Victoria secret models and it looks like their boobs are like pressed up in some lace piece, I have always thought wow, that looks fucking uncomfortable. BUT GUESS WHAT? It isn't! It is so supportive...and it looks sooo, soooo, well, nice.

So every bra I tried on this women helped me. She like coached me on how to wear the bra. Really the service was like if my mom opened a brassier store and when I was old enough to need a bra she took me there and told me how to properly wear one. REALLY! It was so informative and so...gravity defying. God damn, what a magical and caring service person.

Compare that to my experience at age 17 at a vitoria secrect store. A bitchy-looking college girl who is willing to tell me all the different "lines" of bras (lace intimates, seamless, blah blah.) But when it came to wearing it....well I thought it was too small, but in reality it was because I did not know the secret "swoop and filling magical motion." And my mom kept being like, "You need to lean over when you put it on. You need to fill the bra." And I am all like 17 and embarrassed. "Mom, omg! I know how to wear a bra!" But the girl just like doesn't say anything, and gets me a bigger size. The underwire, would not serve its purpose and I would wear an ill-fitting uber expensive bra. Thank you lacking Victoria Secret service person! ***Sorry, I know some of ladies reading this LOVE Victoria Secret. I was just talking to Jin Ting and Bri. Jin Ting says at VS don't help you with fitting bras and Bri said they do only if you ask. And that they assume you have the common sense of wearing a bra. But really it doesn't seem very common sense thing to me...there is a secret swooping action involved. And it takes practice (the sales lady said to me yesterday 在家多練習！to do more practice putting on the bra.) But ladies if you have had good service at VS please feel free to share. I do know if you came to Taiwan you can get similar under ware goodies (mostly imported from Europe and US), better service, and CHEAPER prices.

Hence, until yesterday I didn't know the MAGIC of underwire bras. It is magic. And wonderful. And supportive. I can jump and feel like wow no problem...everything is compact, close to my body, and light.

And yes. Underwire bras are worth a blog post. And yesterdays service is too. So happy and feeling sexy. Almost as sexy as this video. Underwire transforming the way I feel about my boobs surprised me as much as finding out that my favorite Korean pop group, Super Junior sang songs in Chinese. As they say, the best thing since sliced bread!

So although this music video is totally unrelated to this post please feel free to watch it. I actually bought this CD after I bought the bras so it is sotra kind of related in my mind. And Super Junior is good anytime. They are sooo sexy. Beyond sexy...they are sexy like underwire bras.

Conclusion: Yay Taiwan. Yay good service! Yay underwire! Yay sexy Koreans who sing in Chinese and dance like awesome bad-asses! These are a few of my favorite things...

Video you must watch