If you give a mouse a chance to live on an island, learn Chinese, and eat stinky tofu. 及時行樂

So I just went to the office of immigration and got my Alien Resident Card extended for a year. I pick it up in 10 days. And I feel like, Ok, so it really official now. I am staying another year or so in Taiwan.

Why?

Why not?

I actually never want to go home. The food is better on a whole, made good friends, and a snap shot of life: sometimes there are 廟會 舞獅 (crazy parades put on the by temples complete dancing lions, traditional Chinese awesome) in the street, next to a metro shopping paradise with young Taiwanese, decked out in punk gear with dyed blonde hair and blue contact lens. This place...consumes me.

Don't get me wrong people in the states! I miss you all like mad. And I miss the states for what it is: my home. I miss relating to other people naturally...I miss good beer. I also miss American-style sense of humor. So, please don't take my "never wanting to go home" to heart. I love you guys more than anything. And I wish I could also be by your side and laughing, loving, growing.

So that brings me to where I am at now. I sit here and I go...what am I doing here?

I love Taiwan, I love Kaohsiung, no doubt. And my goal is to become somewhat fluent in Chinese. So yeah. That is it. That is why I am here.

These things are very sure. But I have this god damn voice in my head and this voice really makes me uncomfortable and worried. It constantly says, "And then what?"

Like what do you do after that? You learn Chinese for two years, and then what? Graduate...work as a server at a restaurant, pay off massive amounts of loans. Drink beer with friends. Read Chinese novels in my free time.....talk to the servers at Chinese restaurants.

Doesn't sound bad. But this route feels like...like a Chinese Idiom *我愛成語啊！* I learned today: 半途而廢 And it just means "To give up half way." I also learned an idiom last week that I think reflect my situation after two years in Taiwan: 大材小用(Thanks 威霖！) It means to have a talent (for me Chinese) and then not use it 浪費人材.

So recently I have been thinking. Wouldn't it be awesome to just keep studying? Fuck the work force! I will just be a student for a long long long long time. Maybe get my PHD if I can manage it. Why the fuck not?

Do people go for their PHD with this line of thinking (why the fuck not)? I don't even know. But I do have a new goal: Get my masters degree! Maybe in Modern Chinese Literature. In Taiwan.

That is a little crazy. Really. Doing a masters degree...all in Chinese is pretty ball-sey大膽 (how do you even spell that word? Maybe I should just use the word brazen.) But I am going to try! So, this next year I am going to work my butt off, and we where it gets me. I am going to try and audit some classes in Chinese here at the bachelor level and see how that goes. Also next year take the Chinese Proficiency test to get an idea of where I am at.

Why think about the future? I don't know. I wish I didn't because it actually makes me think of all the wonderful loans I have taken out. But hey, if you aren't in debt you aren't American. Oh fuck.

Oh fuck it.

I am living it like I mean it. I am loving life and that is good enough for now. And actually that is better than "good enough," that must mean I am doing something right. 把握今天baby! Just got to keep listening to that loving, pure, true, dancing, self. And fuck this damn voice asking me, "then what?" Because that voice will ask this same damn question no matter what I do. On my death bed asking this damn question (at that point quite obvious what is next.) You know what I will say next time she asks, "I don't know. It is uncertain. And that is how it is supposed to be." Because the future is nothing but that, uncertain. Ain't that the truth. Tomorrow global warming couldn take a turn for the worse...Taiwan is underwater within a day. Ok, no need to get morbid. Tomorrow I could join a Taiwanese hip-hop dance group, marry the lead dancer, and spend the rest of my life dancing. OMG! That sounds like the shit! I am crossing my fingers for surprise outcome number two.

Why not As my Taiwanese friends ALWAYS say to me, "別想太多" Don't think too much.

Time to eat with two of my lovely friends! Viva 台灣！及時行樂！