And this cliche worked for me....

All you gotta to do is live in the moment.

And this cliche worked for me.

How did I get into the moment? I stopped worrying about the future. How did I stop fretting about the events that have yet to unfold? I freed myself from expectations.

It all started with me breaking down (2 different times in a months time) and saying that I will leave Taiwan and come back to the States in time for winter quarter at Portland State. And the second time...my parents had time to get the ticket before I changed my mind again. So instead of having an "endless" stay in a foreign country, I now have a return date and that date is in time for Christmas.

And the thing that happened. I can really look at Taiwan, with confidence, say for all my likes and dislikes related to this country, it doesn't need to be evaluated, summed up, given a thumbs up as if it were someone's facebook status. It's just Taiwan. This place, like any and every place has endless layers, histories, stories and angles to look from---and it could be discussed, critiqued, opinions made. And I have. And I found that "the critiquing me," the one without a productive outlet, she feels defeated. And, so I have stopped.

Because I see a light. At the end of the tunnel? No, I think of it as an emanating light...coming not only from myself,but those around me, if you just take a look. And cue in gospel music: "This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine."

Which makes me think of my mom saying, "Don't burn the candle at both ends." Aka "you need to get more sleep." You only get one light and when that wax melts away...now where is that fire gonna come from? Words of wisdom (that hardly anyone under 30 follows): Take care folks.

Although I am "in" the moment I still am looking forward to Christmas in Michigan. I can already smell the synthetic material of the garland, taste the sugar cookies, and hear the Trans Siberian Orchestra(TSO)while rocking out with my mom.

I actually can't stop thinking about it. It's been four years since I have spent Christmas in my hometown. And the other times...me and my cat. Which hasn't been bad, but Milo, he tends to not be so moved by TSO's Carol of the Bells as my mom and I tend to be...if you get my drift.

Although I am not so much of a prayer---but I have been praying for the snow.

Oh boy. I know I may be romanticizing this whole Christmas thing, but I think we can all enjoy this little tidbit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vNcGlM8O3I

Please rock out.

My mother also said we shouldn't wish our life away. Even if it is one day (how many times have I said, "I can't wait until this day is over.")

But whenever I have short (yet measurable) periods of time in between a transition in my life...I never know what to do with myself. For example the period (a month during summer vacation) working at Damon's living at my mom's in Kzoo before I took of to Portland, OR. Bored as hell! Or before i came here to Taiwan that summer vacation, some days starting my morning with malt liquor and a joint.

Good lord. And now...forcing myself to sit through (now becoming very non-challenging) Chinese classes everyday. However, my biggest joy is going out to eat with my boyfriend. And talking to local strangers by surprise by A.) Speaking Chinese (being white and all) B.) Asking questions that may or may not make them uncomfortable (For example: "don't you think it is rude to talk about me right in front of my face? Is this kind of thing acceptable in your culture?") I can dig it. It beats malt liquor at 10 AM. Trust me.